Restful Limbo

Anyone who knows me would consider me to be a bit of a fireball. I try hard to make things the way I think they should be. I push against obstacles, I work hard, then I work harder. I go past the point of the endurance in everything I do.

Lately though, I've had to relearn a few things. My body will only heal at the rate it chooses, at the age of 53. My efforts to keep energetic have started to fail and I find myself being forced to adapt to an energy level I'm unaccustomed to, and bedtime overtakes me a bit earlier than I gave it permission to.

Maybe that's patently obvious to anyone else in this middle aged place, but I've been surprised by it.

Then there are the things we can't control. Things happen to people we care about, and we can't do anything more than encourage and offer solace. Often the encouragement is niggled with  doubt, now that I've experienced a bit of immortality myself!  I can still fake it pretty well, but maybe it's time to admit, I'm powerless over so much!

That has led me to a new, and very unfamiliar way of thinking. Maybe there are times I can effect little and its a time to observe a lot, care a lot, and stop trying to change the unchangeable.

That has begun to work it's way into my art life.

I've pushed so hard for really unique creativity, and tried to be true to my own muse. I've done work that was strictly true to my own vision, and eschew the merely popular, successful, current trends in metalsmithing.  My original goal was to be a successful entrepreneur, and to be self employed in the arts world of metalsmithing, but if the cost is to jump on the success bandwagon at the cost to my "art soul", well, no thanks.

I'm pretty convinced we are all endowed with a number of gifts, and with a lot of hard work, and commitment to excellence, we can do really good work that will stand on it's own with out commentary to embellish the created object.

So when it comes to "marketing", I just don't care. I don't want to add more verbage  to make someone like it more. After all, when a piece of jewelry sits in jewelry box, unless they really like the piece, it will sit unloved and unworn. I hope they will really like the feel, look, weight, and shape of the thing I created. That's all. All that extra verbage won't change the object I've created. It won't make it any better than it is.

Does it really matter to anyone that I really enjoyed seeing a blob of molten silver slip into cold water, explode due to forces with itself, and create shapes that nature creates in petal, or bone, or shells? Really? Do I have to express this pleasure as "bliss" or "nirvana". It was good but was it that orgasmic?  To me marketing is like a scene out of "When Harry Met Sally"; you know the scene..... Yeahh it was good, but geesh.

I'm saying this, after having had a talk with another artist about self-marketing.


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I wrote this last July, saved it to drafts, and walked away from this blog! I just felt like, "who the heck cares what goes on in my little life or my mind???" Then: "Do I even want to publicly ask this?"
(Answer: Probably its as safe a question as can be, since I've never figured out how to promote a blog, and I don't really care to either,lol.) I think I have 4 followers....

But I really am amused because I still have no desire to self promote, and I realize that is why many artists write blogs. Nope I didn't play with my poo, I did and still do take time to eat and sleep, I'm not driven to distraction by anything. I have no desire to bullshit anyone, just make good art as well as my current skill level allows.


So maybe I'll just share the little things that fire me up. Maybe I'll just post a couple times a year, dunno, not really worried about it, and by the way I turned 54 in there and yeah, middle age does wipe you out.
Ruh roh, this is how cranky old age starts...noooooooooooo!

Where's the outrage?

I usually try to keep my posts on the positive side. I've fought negativity in myself all my life, and for the last decade I've made a concerted effort to remain positive so that my life would move in the direction of success and happiness, but today I'm just sick with anger and outrage.  So quit reading here if you don't want to hear it!

   I remember driving in to work on the morning of September 11th, 2001, and hearing the song with the line "devil inside, devil inside, every single one of us has the devil inside", and pondering for a moment what exactly that meant..........then the reports started to come in about the terrorist attacks, people jumping to sure death from the heights of that building, and the horror unfolded.

  After I got into the building, the radio station deemed to be the only one played since they play our radio ads, blithely continued to play their agonizingly predictable 'hits from the 70's and 80's", with little coverage of the tragedy unfolding. Business continued as usual,with nary a hint from the airwaves as to the horror of it all. People continued to shop for their recliners as usual.

  I was RIPSHIT!

  I'm still feeling OUTRAGE after that.

Now this ecological horror of the gulf oil spill continues to unfold, and I feel desperately saddened and unspeakably furious that this could happen. I grew up on the coast. I spent every minute I could exploring the salt marshes and banks of the estuaries. The teeming life seen in a square foot always amazed me, and I spent a lot of time picking up trash that careless boaters had tossed into these treasured nurseries of life.

Later, I spent years trying to capture in oil painting, and watercolor the beauty of these same saltmarshes. My soul has been fed by this beauty, and my gratitude to our creator for such an ecosystem has never waned.

I remember hearing after the economic crisis began to unfold, how it was in our best interest to ramp up production of oil in the US. How the risks of deepwater drilling, were so minimal and safeguarded, that it was the opinion of a veritable liberal, head in the sand ninny to feel opposition. I remember thinking, "Here comes the bullying talk again." You get shouted down by these purveyors of the so called correct opinion. But the question in my mind was, can they stop a catastrophe if something goes wrong? How about if two things go wrong? (Ever notice that it's usually two mishaps at the same time that create tracic accidents?)

So here we are again. Raped by the bullies in corporate land, where business trumps everything. Where the pursuit of wealth, supresses all else.

I'm so sickened by this I can barely breathe.

But what I want to do is scream.

The Graphic Design Whisperer, Thompson Designs

There are things I'm really good at. Really!

Visualizing paint colors is one of them. I can see a color in my head so easily. I can visualize that color into a space like it was already there. I was surprised to find that everyone couldn't see it just like I could. People react like I'm seeing a ghost that they can't see, with the same amount of skepticism, I might add. But my years of helping my decorating customers with this "easy for me task", has earned me a reputation of being a "color whisperer", and I'm often asked to use this skill or gift.

Funny thing about gifts of ability or talent.......they don't feel like work at all. I feel a little mercenary asking for a small fee for going to someone's home and "seeing" the ideal color, especially as it's so much fun for me. I first find out a lot about my clients preferences from their favorite things, their favorite furnishings, clothing, jewelry, even dishes before making a recommendation.I also secretly look at their eye color, skin tonality, and other clues for whether their architecture would stand high or low contrast and a lot of other little bits of information, often many I'm not even consciously aware of.

But to be sure they're happy, I always give them final say in the process by ordering large paint color sheets that can be taped up and viewed before they go out and buy the paint. I've been almost 100 percent on target with having a very happy client over the 30 years I've provided this service.
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I've met my gift twin in a graphic designer very recently. When it comes to using graphic programs to create things like business cards, or a banner for my etsy shop, or even the background of my blog page, I've failed miserably. The ins and outs of the programs, the clear view of what font, background, spacing, colors, balance, composition , have eluded me and all attempts to get good enough have fallen far short, and I've been hugely unhappy with the results.

I paid a graphic designer about a year ago to rescue me. She tried her best, but couldn't intuit the look I was after from my poor ability to convey with words the look I desired. I used the products (banner, avatar etc.), mainly out of guilt, knowing she had spent a lot of time and effort both with the medium and effort with trying to conceptualize my "look". I ended up going back to my amateurish banner after all.

 So I was left with a very non-professional looking banner and boring blog background again.

About two weeks ago, I tripped over a very nice banner in a shop in a category totally different from my own. I "convo'd" the shop keeper and asked if she would be so kind as to share the design source of her graphic work.

Now two weeks later I'm enjoying the incredible work of one very, very talented graphic design whisperer. She has totally figured out what would suit me to a "t". How she did this, I can somewhat understand from my own experiences with color, but am so damned grateful for the execution of the concept to a very unified "look" for me. I read her feedback for about the last year, and see that I'm most certainly not the only satisfied customer she's had.

Thank you, Renee, for getting me where I just couldn't go without your help! You are one talented and gifted lady!

Here's the link to her shop:
Thompsondesigns

http://www.etsy.com/shop/Thompsondesigns

Putz

I had ankle surgery one week and three days ago. In about 36 days, I'll be able to put that foot back on the ground, I hope. I've never been on crutches, or broke anything (that I knew of), so the whole experience has been pretty different. Gives me a truly new respect for people with disabilities too. Ever notice they don't whine? Feel sorry for themselves. Naah, they apologize to you that they're sorry you have to move that stuff they have to maneuver around.

Getting around has been a smorgasbord of hopping, crawling, crutches, and this cool little thing that acts like a scooter under the knee. Cool till the padding smashed down.

See, the whining wants to come, but I'm gonna suck it up and be positive.

I've had 10 days to look at life without being at work. That has meant time to heal, (heave), putz, nap, then get back to my metalsmithing. Oh yeah, I did forget to ice and elevate a few times and that set me back into putz mode.

Today, I just putzed. Creatively, physically, emotionally, I was just tuckered out. So I watched Housewives of NewYork (great jewelry on that show), till I nodded off, then hopped, wheeled out to the deck and watched birds. For two hours........
Yes, birds. But they were big ones! Great blue herons, osprey, vultures......
OK, the vultures kind of freaked me out.

So today, I just let it slip into neutral. How long has that been? What's the value of that?

I posted on facebook that I was doing nothing in my status bar. I got more positive comments back from that than all the jewelry I've been faithfully posting! Maybe I've been missing something, that others know about?

I feel unusually creative in terms of sketching tonight. But I'm going to just stay here a little longer.

Make it better!

I've been growing increasingly picky about my craftsmanship  lately. Being a part of an etsy thread of metalsmiths and the incredible sharing of technique and critique, has spurred me on to new levels of discernment between good enough and excellent.
   My usual desire is to create new design, then to move on to another new design, but the way to get really good is to go back and make those creations all over again. Weakness in the design appear, demanding review, and technical improvements are the result, but it can be laborious since the initial thrill of seeing something totally new isn't a part of the motivation.
   I'm really happy with the results, and pleased to have submitted myself to this new aesthetic!

February Inspiration or Desperation?

   I've noticed I tend to get moderately depressed in February. For a month that has the fewest days, it seems the longest of the year and this year was the poster child for tough years.  I was determined to stay positive this time, and even with the prospect of some unusually harsh weather forecast, a forecast that proved to be true, I tried to keep my thoughts on the positive side. So here we are on the last day of this brutal month. OHTHANKGOD it's about over.

   Snow is beautiful stuff. At first. It makes for beautiful photographs. Nothing shows up so beautifully against that starkly contrasting backdrop of snow on pine as the eternally optimistic cardinal. So this year I faithfully kept up with the bird food, and the birds that appeared daily outside the kitchen window reminded me that there is still color in such a stark landscape. Watching these little creatures calculate a landing onto the kashmir cypress, loaded up with nearly a foot of new snow was enough to remind me that we are all trying different skills in getting around!

Getting around has been tough! My all wheel drive proved to be no match for snow measured by feet, and I've learned my lesson about buying snow treads rather than all season radials. Note to self for next November.

   So I just started leaving my car about a half mile from my house, and cross country skied to and from the car. Fun. Exercise. Pretty cool. Note to self: Get a good backpack to carry the gear needed for the day. Don't forget the cell phone.

Inspiration for my metalsmithing came from the landscape and I started noticing that the colors I was working with really mirrored the colors, few as they were outside. A new minimalism began to appear in my work.

These earrings are made from little watercast elements of sterling, to which I added a small cabochon of nephrite jade, a lovely dark green color. The stones are set into the bowls of the watercastings, and made as posts, they were token offering to the simplicity and quiet of winter.

I also found two cabochons of Picasso agate, that remind me of the naked winter trees along our little Evitts Creek where we live. I think of artists like Jamie Wyeth, Ray Hendershot, and Peter Sculthorpe when I see these little paintings done by nature. My most technical challenge to date has been to create a piece of jewelry that doesn't take away from the beauty in these stones. I wanted to do settings that created a composition in balance with the stones, but one that would stand as strongly even without them. I see a lot of jewelry that is all big stoned and blingy, that seems to be trying to succeed mostly on the strength of the presence of the stone. My goal was to create a composition where the stone and the setting work together like a good composition in a painting. Technically I failed with the first, when I cracked the corner of the stone, but the second one I'm very happy with. The background and foreground play back and forth, and that little japanese flavor that always sneaks into my work found a home with the sides and bale of the piece.

So, winter is not yet over, and in some ways when spring comes I will miss the discipline of applied gratitude and appreciation for the beauty in starkness. So I will rest today in this moment, and try to commit this lesson to memory for next year.

Oh yeah, the people who have lived here for generations tell me that the months should be named as follows: January, February, Mud, April, May.....

Note to self. Get some better mats for getting the mud off paws at the door......

Evitts Creek Fiasco

It all started with this wonderful stone. A "picasso agate" from mountainglorygems on etsy. 

I couldn't believe my eyes. It looks so much like our lovely little Evitts Creek. Many weeks of thought and sketches ensued, and yesterday was the moment to start. We've been seriously snowed in and I had a chunk of time to take my time and not rush it. 

The backplate, the foreground, the cutout, the bezel.......the bezel....that's where the fun began. Getting that sucker tight on the back for no gaps required a million little drags across the bastard file (the REAL name for it!!), and lots of refittings around the stone. A snug, precision fit if there ever was one. Then a brief second of time with the torch, and silently appeared a little mouse hole.

OK, it's just a bezel. Not too expensive. Melt it off. Start over. 

File the background flat. Polish it smooth. Clean it up. 

I won't bore you with more details.

 More patience and deliberate slowness took over, and 8 hours later the moment of truth was there. 

Fitting a bezel is one of the most challenging  skills a metalsmith can hopefully master. I haven't mastered it yet. But I have made some simple tools to help. Beginning with a tiny bronze rod, shaped with a tiny rounded chisel of a tip, along with a favorite old chopstick, similarly shaped.

Tap, tap x 1,000,000 and there it was. The best bezel I've ever done! Ready to do the final polish, by hand not in a tumbler for this fragile beauty.

OH

MY

GOSH

WHAT

THE HECK 

IS

THAT!!!

The upper right corner has a tiny but fatal chip in it. Must have been a tiny little point of something inside the bezel, or some little fracture just waiting for the exact tap to set it free.

Ruined.

This learning curve is harsh.